Jamaican Men Love Oral Sex

Yeah, right!  And they believe it is more blessed to give than to receive.  Seriously, though, no matter how much our men protest in public, I’m convinced that deep down, where it really counts, Jamaican men love oral sex. I mean they just love to talk about sex.

That’s why a lot of our men simply can’t keep their mouth shut in the presence of an attractive woman.  They think they know exactly how to sweet-talk us.  And they don’t miss an opportunity to show off. In this context, someone has got to do the listening, willy-nilly. So there’s oral sex and aural sex.

I got a most entertaining response to the column, “I Have Outlived My Penis”, published two weeks ago.  It came from a man whose partial email address is ‘cunnilingus69@.’  To protect his identity, if not his virtue, I will not disclose what comes after the @.  No, I’m not saving him for myself.  There’s no need to.  I suspect that there are far more men like him around.  But they’re undercover.  They know they’re not supposed to admit that they do ‘it’.  So they pretend to be tongue-tied.  Or, at best, they speak with a forked tongue.

Engraving by Felicien Rops

This is what #69 had to say: “No, that headline is definitely not for me, and even if that was so, I am damn sure I can find a hell-of-a-good substitute!!!!! Good morning there rebel, eh. I really meant lady. I merely read the headline and without blinking, I said that that had to be you. And thank God I was not disappointed.

“Poor Ralph, well, if it ded it ded, nothing can be done about a dead penis. You seem to be forgetting that even if that man cannot stand firmly on his third leg that there is another part of his body that can become very stiff in a split second and one that most women eagerly enjoy, if not more. The tongue. No resuscitation is necessary”.

‘Dem bow’

Bowing, the dancehall term for oral/aural sex, wittily expresses both the physical posture and mental state of the devotee.  Literally, to bow is to bend or incline (the knee, body, or head) in worship, submission, respect, civility, agreement, etc. In the dancehall sense of the word, bowing suggests deference to the woman’s pleasure, a gesture no upstanding man is prepared to admit that he makes.  But, of course, women do bow as well.  It’s the golden rule:  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  In some instances, bowing is not reciprocal, a clear case of ‘wash-over gold’ misrule.

Shabba Ranks

Shabba Ranks’ 1990 hit “Dem bow” is a classic chant of damnation against those who do, in fact, bow. The DJ condemns both cunnilingus and fellatio in graphic imagery:  “man under table” and “lipstick pon hood head”.  Oral sex is seen as deviant behaviour coming from ‘foreign’ to corrupt supposedly ‘pure’ Jamaican culture.  Like homosexuality, oral sex is vigorously censured in dancehall lyrics.

But the DJs protest much too much.  Their obsessive attack on certain sexual behaviours makes me wonder if they’re not running and a-running and a-running away from themselves, with apologies to Bob Marley.  If that’s not so, then it’s high time for the DJs to stop minding other people’s sexual business.  On that score, I must congratulate Beenie Man for having the good sense to bow out of the name-calling game.  And the U.S. Embassy in Jamaica must also be congratulated for bowing to reason and giving back the DJ a work permit.

Beenie Man

Beenie Man has been much derided for his decision to make an uneasy peace with gay rights activists.  Bounty Killer has charged Beenie Man with selling out.  In an interview reported on the OutAroad website, Killer is alleged to have said, “Me can’t ever put a dollar over Jamaica and its culture. If it wasn’t for dancehall and its culture I don’t know where or who I’d be today. Mi nuh sorry fi nothing that I said or sang; I am sorry to know it offended anybody but that’s how I see it. My views and beliefs, all I can say is that homosexuals fi stop try ban we shows and dancehall must leave dem alone to God still and let peace reign.”

Bounty Killer

Bounty Killer’s ‘leave dem alone to God still’ concession is not as innocuous as it seems.  In Jamaican parlance, leaving someone to God is a fate worse than death.  All the same, Killer’s conciliatory posture is definitely an act of bowing.  He does concede that dancehall DJs should stop acting on God’s behalf and leave judgment to Him/Her. This is a major advance in dancehall sexual politics that must be resoundingly applauded.

‘Marriage have teeth’

The Gleaner’s front-page story, “Lesbians Legally Wed”, published on June 4, 2012, was just as sensational as the lyrics of any of our homophobic DJs. The editors of the Gleaner turned a private affair into a public scandal.  Perceptive readers objected:    “The title of this article is a misleading lie.  ‘Lesbians legally wed’ infers along with the picture that the legal wedding was held here in Jamaica.  Shame on the gleaner for junk journalism”.

The floodgates were opened and the predictable responses came pouring in.  ‘Fire bun!’  Fundamentalist Christians in Jamaica (and elsewhere) take the Book of Leviticus literally and insist that homosexuality is an abomination that must be purged.  And, unlike Bounty Killer, they are not leaving judgement up to God.

On top of that, marriage is seen as the divine right of heterosexuals. But marriage is not all that it’s cracked up to be.  Jamaican proverbial wisdom warns that ‘marriage have teeth an bite hot’. I think gay people should have equal rights to be bitten by marriage. And that’s not about oral sex.  It’s the whole penal institution.

6 thoughts on “Jamaican Men Love Oral Sex

  1. Pingback: Are Jamaican DeeJays really cunning linguists? | Slouching Towards Kingston

  2. Oral sex is embedded in our culture no matter how we take it. I heard one man said once if you are not strong in your hips you got to be strong in your lips. Cunnilingus is a craft practiced not only by those who are week in the hips but by those who are trying to convince the female to get the opportunity to get the work again.
    As it relates to the lesbians it is plain nasty and they are to be exposed and I am glad what the Gleaner has done to them. What type of life is that it is certainly not the norm. Them people they fi bun out. I don’t think Jamaicans should ever condone such a behaviour and embrace it. God does not like it and I don’t like it either.

  3. As for oral sex Jamaican men love it, I have been with my man for ten years now and him love it! Now, he does not perform oral sex on me, I know right. How wrong is that, but I prefer his cock much better. i have had it done before and it’s not all that what people say it’s cracked up to be. Maybe I haven’t run across the right one. I haven’t yet been able to convince him. He says that when he visits yard and him and his friends are talking about whatever, he wants to be able to say no and really mean No. Which is very funny to me. No complaints here though. A man should want and like to pleasure his women. Now something that threw me off was when he wanted to try anal sex. I was very surprised! We did, and it was very good, It was a one time thing though, even though we both enjoyed it, it was really different. I think it mostly was a mental thing.
    As for the lesbian lovers or the batty boi, let God be the judge. What people fail to realize is that God has destroyed people(life) before. I am sure it was for other things than just being gay. People should not judge
    “No sin is greater than the other”. I sure people who are strongly against homosexuals have sinned before in some way shape or form.

    • If you allow someone to have sex with your bottom you are a batty girl and it cannot be plainer than that. It doesn’t matter who you claim yourself to be if you are engaged in such practice you are gay and it should be condemned. I don’t mean I am going to be the one to hurt you or any such thing but I cannot see eye to eye with you under no circumstances. I wish you well but remember the God I serve is not the same God you serve. Sodom and another city called Gomorrah were both destroy for engaging in such unfortunate lustful desires. Make haste and change your mode of thinking or you will not see the God I serve face under no circumstance. God will forgive you and give you another chance to see the Pearly Gates if you are willing to change the folly in your belief and believe in the scriptures for once. Start reading the King James Version and stop reading the Queen James Version.

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