Bruce Golding, Man of the Year/Man a di Ier

Rudyard Kipling, that apologist for British imperialism, wrote a famous poem, “If,” which many of us were forced to memorise in primary school.  It’s a rousing celebration of single-minded, macho warrior-hood.  I adapt it here in ironic tribute to my “Man of the Year,” Bruce Golding:

If you can keep your head when all around you

Are blaming you for bringing disgrace upon the nation;

If you can press along without resigning

When all men, women, children doubt your word;

If you can linger and not be tired of lingering,

Or, having lied, pretend to be lied about,

Or, being caught, don’t give way to retribution

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can be delusional and not see truth;

If you can think that no one else is thinking;

If you can meet with triumph and disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same;

If you can bear to hear the lies you’ve spoken

Repeated by honest men to make a trap for you,

Or watch the errors you have repeated,

Mount into a heap of tired failures;

If you can take a chance on Brady, Dudus and Manatt

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and yet refuse to call it a day

And never breathe a word of shame about your loss

Even when ‘Wikileaks’ unleashes a new flood of deceit;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To stay in office after respect is dead and gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to you: “Hold on”;

If you can talk in circles and never see straight,

Or walk with dons – nor lose the common touch;

If neither foes nor loving friends can help you;

If all men count you down and out

And still 
you feel entitled to be PM

And keep on shadowboxing in the ring

Yours is the next election victory, that’s for sure,

And – which is more – you’ll be my ‘Man of the Year’!

Bruce Golding, Man a di Ier

Rudyard Kipling, im a wan a dem man fram Ingglan we did difen di British govament wen dem dida waak aal bout kriyieshan a tiif ada piipl lan an fuos dem fi gi op fi dem uona liviti an tek aan Ingglish kolcha.  Im rait wan big-taim poem we im kaal “If.” Plenti a wi did ha fi laan an memba it wen wi did de ina praimeri skuul. Dem de liriks a fi mek di macho man dem biit op dem ches wen dem a go a waar.  Mi chienj op di liriks fi ‘big op’ fi mi “Man a di Ier,” Bruce Golding.

If yu kyan kip yu hed wen evribadi roun yu

A bliem yu fi bring dong disgries pan di nieshan;

If yu can pres alang an no rizain

Wen man, uman, pikni no biliiv a wod yu se;

If yu kyan lingga an no taiyad a lingga,

Ar tel lai an gwaan laik se a dem a tel lai pan yu,

Ar dem kech yu an yu gwaan laik a notn

An stil far aal, yu no luk so gud,

An yu no taak so sensibl;

If yu kyan fuul op yuself an no si di chruut;

If yu kyan tink se nobadi els naa tink;

If yu kyan bok op vikchri an kraasiz

An gwaan laik di tuu impasta dem a di sed siem ting;

If yu hab strang stomok fi hier anes piipl chrap yu

Tel yu bak di lai dem we yu tel

Ar yu wach di huol hiip a mistiek yu kip aan mekin

A mount op ina wan big dongl a fielya;

If yu kyan tek chaans pon Brady, Dudus an Manatt

An bet yu laas dala pan dem chriis haas

An laas yu bet, an naa gi op

An neva admit se yu shiem bout aal a wa yu luuz

Aal wen ‘Wikileaks’ let aaf a neks set a lai;

If yu kyan fuos yu haat an suol an badi

Fi tan iina afis lang aafta rispek ded an gaan,

An yu a heng aan wen di ongl ting a kip yu op

A chruu yu mek op yu main fi “Heng aan”;

If yu kyan go roun an roun an neva si chriet,

Ar waak wid dan – an stil muov roun puor piipl

If niida yu enemi nar yu gud fren kyaan help yu

If aal a di refarii dem kount yu doun an out

An stil far aal yu fiil yu mos an boun fi bi PM

An kip aan a baks baks iina di ring;

A yu a go win di neks ilekshan, chros mi

An – pan tap a dat – a yu a fi mi ‘Man a di Ier!


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