Backra Massa Govament

Two spelling systems are used for the Jamaican language below. The first, ‘Chaka-Chaka,’ is based on English spelling, which is notoriously irregular. The second, ‘Prapa-Prapa,’ is the consistent, specialist system designed by the Jamaican linguist Frederic Cassidy. It has been updated by the Jamaican Language Unit at the University of the West Indies, Mona. After the two Jamaican versions, there’s an English translation.

CHAKA-CHAKA SPELLING

Nigel Clarke must lik im head. Mi no know how im coulda git up eena parliament Tuesday gone an announce seh govament a go raise fi dem pay more dan 200 percent! Fifty percent woulda wicked. Hundred percent woulda wickeder. Two hundred percent? Dat a di height a wickedness. After Clarke force di teacher dem, an di nurse dem, an di doctor dem, an di police dem, an di security guard dem an di firefighter dem fi tek fi dem monkey-money pay raise, im a go tell Jamaica people seh politician deserve fi get 200 percent raise? Im must be drink mad puss tonic. An di Opposition MP dem woulda just as mad an wicked if dem tek di raise.

Wen mi tink seh all like di Speaker of the House, weh chat so much foolishness, a go get 22.8 million dollar fi one degeh-degeh year, it mek mi blood boil. Talking bout she, mi get nuff-nuff joke whole a last week bout mi column, “That cock-up against pussyfooting in parliament.” One man im seh, “Someone should tell the speaker that vaginas don’t have feet.” Mi do know seh penis wear boots. Dat a fi wi Jamaica slang fi di man dem condom. Wi nuh call di woman condom shoes. Woman parts nuh walk street like fi di man dem. Most time!

COCK MOUTH KILL COCK

Di Speaker of the House, Marisa Dalrymple-Philibert, ban ‘pussyfooting’ inna parliament becau shi nuh know seh dat deh ‘pussy’ nuh slack. Mi woulda bet mi last dollar seh shi no tink seh di hell of a pay raise a slackness. Shi fi listen Lady Saw big tune, “What is slackness.” By di way, it look like seh Minister Hall a creep back inna dancehall. Mi see her pon one poster fi ‘Groovin in the park’ inna one sexy outfit, wid all belly skin a show under mesh. One a mi fren dem aks mi if she look ‘sanctified.’ Mi tell her seh must be sanctified sex therapy Minister Hall a deliver.

Lady Saw seh, “Slackness, when government break dem promise.” Ascorden to JIS website, hear weh Andrew Holness im did seh pon March 7, 2016, wen im dida swear-een im Cabinet an di state minister dem a King’s House: “For the government to be successful, the people who form the government must be willing [to] sacrifice first and to defend the long term good of the country over short-term expedient gratification.” Cock mout kill cock. Andrew Holness govament turn backra massa over wi. Same like di long-time oppressor dem! Nigel Clarke seh massa mean power. An dis ya govament a use fi dem power fi dem owna “expedient gratification.” Dem no business wid di good a di country. Mek dem gwaan! Time longer dan rope.

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN

Nigel Clarke mos lik im ed. Mi no nuo ou im kuda git op iina paaliment Chuuzde gaan an anouns se govament a go riez fi dem pie muor an 200 pasent! Fifti pasent wuda wikid. Onjred pasent wuda wikida. Tuu onjred pasent? Dat a di ait a wikidnis. Aafta Clarke fuos di tiicha dem, an di nors dem, an di dakta dem, an di poliis dem, an di sikyuoriti gyaad dem an di faiyafaita dem fi tek fi dem mongki-moni pie riez, im a go tel Jamieka piipl se palitishan disorv fi get 200 pasent riez? Im mosi jrink mad pus tanik. An di Opposition MP dem wuda jos az mad an wikid if dem tek di riez.

Wen mi tingk se aal laik di Speaker of the House, we chat somoch fuulishnis, a go get 22.8 milyan dala fi wan dege-dege ier, it mek mi blod bwail. Taakin bout shii, mi get nof-nof juok uol a laas wiik bout mi kalam, “That cock-up against pussyfooting in Parliament.” Wan man im se, “Someone should tell the speaker that vaginas don’t have feet.” Mi du nuo se piinis wier buuts. Dat a fi wi Jamieka slang fi di man dem kandom. Wi no kaal di uman kandom shuuz. Uman paats no waak schriit laik fi di man dem. Muos taim!

KAK MOUT KIL KAK

Di Speaker of the House, Marisa Dalrymple-Philibert, ban ‘pussyfooting’ ina paaliment bikaa shi no nuo se dat de ‘pussy’ no slak. Mi wuda bet mi laas dala se shi no tingk se di el af a pie riez a slaknis. Shi fi lisn Lady Saw big chuun, “What is slackness.” Bai di wie, it luk laik se Minista Hall a kriip bak ina daansaal. Mi si ar pan wan puosta fi ‘Groovin in the park’ ina wan seksi outfit, wid aal beli skin a shuo aanda mesh. Wan a mi fren dem aks mi if shi luk ‘sanctified.’ Mi tel ar se mosi sangktifaid seks terapi Minista Hall a diliva.

Lady Saw se, “Slackness, when government break dem promise.” Azkaadn tu JIS websait, ier we Andrew Holness im did se pan Maach 7, 2016, wen im dida swier-iin im Kyabinet an di stiet minista dem a King’s House: “For the government to be successful, the people who form the government must be willing [to] sacrifice first and to defend the long term good of the country over short-term expedient gratification.” Kak mout kil kak. Andrew Holness govament ton bakra maasa uova wi. Siem laik di lang-taim opresa dem! Nigel Clarke se maasa miin powa. An dis ya govament a yuuz fi dem powa fi dem uona “expedient gratification.” Dem no bizniz wid di gud a di konchri. Mek dem gwaan! Taim langa dan ruop.

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

Slave-Master Government

Nigel Clarke must be suffering from a head injury. I don’t know how he could have got up in parliament last Tuesday and announced that the government was raising their salary by more than 200 percent!  Fifty percent would be wicked.  A hundred percent would be even more wicked. Two hundred percent?  That’s the height of wickedness. Clarke forced the teachers, nurses, doctors, police, security guards and firefighters to settle for their measly pay increase. And he has the nerve to tell the Jamaican people that politicians deserve a 200 percent raise? He must be on drugs.  And the Opposition MPs would be just as mad and wicked if they accept the raise.

Nigel Clarke must be suffering from a head injury. I don’t know how he could have got up in parliament last Tuesday and announced that the government was raising their salary by more than 200 percent!  Fifty percent would be wicked.  A hundred percent would be even more wicked. Two hundred percent?  That’s the height of wickedness. Clarke forced the teachers, nurses, doctors, police, security guards and firefighters to settle for their measly pay increase. And he has the nerve to tell the Jamaican people that politicians deserve a 200 percent raise? He must be on drugs.  And the Opposition MPs would be just as mad and wicked if they accept the raise.

When I consider that the Speaker of the House, who chats so much nonsense, is going to get 22.8 million dollars for a single year, it makes my blood boil. Talking about her, I got a lot of jokes all of last week about my column, “That cock-up against pussyfooting in parliament.” One man said, “Someone should tell the speaker that vaginas don’t have feet.”  I do know that penises wear boots.  That’s our Jamaican slang for the male condom. We don’t call the female condom shoes.  Women’s parts don’t  walk about like men’s.  Most times!

CONDEMNED BY HIS OWN WORDS

The Speaker of the House, Marisa Dalrymple-Philibert, banned ‘pussyfooting’ in parliament because she doesn’t know that ‘pussy’ in this context is not vulgar. I would bet my last dollar that she does not consider that obscene pay increase vulgar. She should listen to Lady Saw’s big hit, “What is slackness.”  By the way, it seems as if Minister Hall is creeping back into the dancehall. I saw a photo of her on a poster for ‘Groovin in the park.’ She was wearing a very sexy outfit, revealing even her midriff, barely covered by mesh.   When a friend asked me if she look ‘sanctified,’ I said it must be sanctified sex therapy that Minister Hall is delivering.

Lady Saw says, “Slackness, when governmеnt break dem promise.” According to a report on the JIS website, this is what Andrew Holness said on March 7, 2016, at the swearing-in ceremony of his Cabinet and state ministers at King’s House:  “For the government to be successful, the people who form the government must be willing [to] sacrifice first and to defend the long term good of the country over short-term expedient gratification.” Condemned by his own words.

The Andrew Holness administration has turned into a slave master, exercising control over us. Just like our former colonial oppressors!  Nigel Clarke says massa means power.  And this government is using their power for their own “expedient gratification.”  They are not concerned about the good of the country. Let them carry on! Time will tell.