If Lloyd D’Aguilar Is Right …

imagesLloyd D’Aguilar has become a much-ridiculed character since he was banished from the West Kingston commission of enquiry. In cartoons, editorials and newspaper columns, on talk shows and social media, he’s portrayed as an egomaniac, hungry for attention. All because he stood up for principle!

Admittedly, he not only stood up. He spoke out rather loudly for a very good cause: condemning the “kangaroo court” that’s not likely to hand down justice, in his opinion. D’Aguilar should have tried a lot harder to restrain himself when he saw how the enquiry was set up. But it was never going to be easy.

Before the enquiry even started, D’Aguilar applied for “standing”. This is a legal term meaning recognition of someone’s right to participate in a case because of a clear connection to the matter at hand. As convener of the Tivoli Committee, D’Aguilar seemed eligible for standing.

images-1But he was informed that the decision would not be made until the day of the enquiry. This was a problem. The Tivoli Committee would not have time to prepare witnesses and assure them that their interests would be protected. But there was nothing D’Aguilar could do about this arbitrary ruling.

The Tivoli Committee was, in fact, given standing. But there seems to have been some misunderstanding about exactly who was permitted to speak on behalf of the committee. Miguel Lorne, the attorney employed by the Tivoli Committee, was missing in action at the very start of the enquiry.

I PUT IT TO YOU

In the absence of the committee’s attorney, D’Aguilar exercised what he thought was his right to speak. That was the beginning of the end. In his opening remarks, D’Aguilar raised several pertinent issues. In email correspondence with me, he outlined them: “(1) how to deal with language; (2) rules of evidence; (3) visiting Tivoli; (4) compensation”.

Even the blind can now see that D’Aguilar was absolutely right to raise the issue of language. The legal profession is a secret society. And lawyers speak in code. I put it to you that the language of the law is deliberately designed to be confusing. That is why we have to pay lawyers to translate the code words into everyday language.

In addition, the official ‘everyday’ language of Jamaica is English. But the mother tongue of the majority of Jamaicans is not English. Call it what you like – dialect, Patwa, Creole, Jamaican, ‘chat bad’ – it is a distinct language. Most of the words of this language come from English. But the pronunciation, word order and grammar are not English.

UnknownSo here we have a commission of enquiry that is interrogating witnesses in a language the people don’t understand. And that is justice? Confusing ‘rubble’ with ‘rebel’ is just one of numerous examples of the breakdown of communication between witnesses and interrogators.

When the enquiry resumes, professional translators must be employed to ensure that witnesses completely understand the questions they are asked; and interrogators completely understand the answers they get. Failure to acknowledge Jamaican as an official language of the enquiry is a grave injustice. Speakers of the language are dismissed as social rubble. And they will rebel.

‘A POLITICAL HACK?’

I think it’s really wicked that Lloyd D’Aguilar has been dismissed from the enquiry. He has done so much work to ensure that the enquiry take place at all. When a lot of us shamefully forgot about the massacre of civilians, D’Aguilar and the Tivoli Committee kept the issue alive.

Sir David Simmons, chairman of the commission, cannot possibly understand why D’Aguilar was so disturbed by what he perceived as harassment of witnesses by insensitive attorneys for the security forces. All Simmons can see is an upstart – who is not even a lawyer – daring to challenge his authority.

It was certainly not polite of D’Aguilar to call Simmons “an enemy of the people of Tivoli Gardens” and “a political hack”. Simmons, naturally, took offence. In his own words: “This strikes at the heart of my statutory duty.” But it is also Simmons’ duty to take into account the possibility that D’Aguilar could ‘purge’ himself, as the JDF attorneys wanted him to do. With castor oil, perhaps? D’Aguilar should be given a chance to prove that his bowels of compassion are not shut up.

WAS DUDUS IN TIVOLI?

images-2The question I’d like the enquiry to ask is this: Who really believed that Dudus was in Tivoli at the start of the incursion? That might seem like a foolish question. Of course Dudus was in Tivoli. Why else would the security forces go there to look for him? But why would Dudus have sat in Tivoli waiting to be captured? And where was he caught? On the Mandela Highway, in a car with the Rev Al Miller, far from Tivoli!

Was the incursion nothing but a B movie, designed to show the US government that we were really trying our best to find Dudus? There are lots of extras in movies. Sometimes, according to the script, these extras get killed. Did the people who said they would die for Dudus expect play-play guns? The tragedy of the Tivoli incursion is that many people lost their lives. Fi real. They weren’t acting. That’s a very high price to pay to find one man who, perhaps, wasn’t even there.

No Corporate Partying This Year!

weight_of_the_worldLast Sunday, I saw a senior citizen walking on Monroe Road in Liguanea. She looked so weary. She was carrying a bag and it seemed as if it was the weight of the world. I just had to offer her a ride. As we drove off, I asked her how long she’d been walking. She had no idea.

She’d gone downtown to pick up a few things at the market and didn’t have enough money for bus fare. So she’d walked all the way, one step at a time. And she’d stopped frequently to catch up herself. I learned that her name was Joyce. And she told me she’d had a hard life. At one time she had been homeless. But she was now living with her daughter.

I couldn’t help asking Joyce how old she was. As it turns out, she wasn’t all that senior. Chronological age and biological age are sometimes quite different. I was alarmed to find out that Joyce is younger than me. Hard life old yu up fi true! As we parted, I gave her some money. But how long could that last? I knew my small gift was nothing but a Band-Aid for a deep wound.

“WHY THIS WASTE?”

There are so many more people like Joyce in Jamaica today, barely surviving on next to nothing. Those of us who have houses and cars and jobs don’t always stop to see the suffering that is all around us. Things are very, very tough these days for a whole heap of people.

Cynics will tell you that’s just how life is. So wi come an find it. An wi a go dead an left it same way. Can’t do nutten bout it. No one somebody can’t solve the problem of poverty in our society. So just hold yu corner and do the little you can. And live yu life without guilt.

280px-Jan_van_Scorel_002Even fundamentalist Christians have a way of getting ‘philosophical’ about poverty. They quote Jesus: “The poor you will always have with you.” But that’s just half of the sentence. Jesus wasn’t proposing that we do nothing about poverty. He was actually trying to teach his disciples a difficult lesson about getting their priorities straight.

They were annoyed because a woman had anointed Jesus’ head with expensive perfume. So they said to him, “Why this waste? For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.” Jesus answered them with a question: “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me. When she poured this perfume on my body, she did it to prepare me for burial.”

WORSE THAN SLAVERY?

It grieves me to admit it. But I speculate that many Jamaicans today are worse off than our enterprising ancestors in the days of slavery. Believe it or not, enslaved Jamaicans had opportunities for making their own money. There was a long-established practice of cultivating provision grounds in their ‘free’ time. And they reaped the benefits of their own labour, selling excess produce. This became the foundation of a very profitable market system.

Coronation Market

Coronation Market

The historian Robin Blackburn reveals in his book, The Making of New World Slavery, that: “The growing proportion of internal commerce and currency in the slaves’ hands was another development encouraged by the provision-ground system which neither planters nor officials could halt.” Blackburn records the estimate that “a third of Jamaica’s currency was in slave hands by the 1770s”.

Almost 250 years later, how much of Jamaica’s currency is now in the hands of the descendants of enslaved Africans? Certainly not one-third! What really happened after Emancipation? And why are we spending so much of the little money we do have on imported food? Instead, we should be supporting the producers of high-quality local provisions.

PIE IN THE SKY

Chik-V has pauperised us even more than usual this year. So many of us mash up! With productivity down and the cost of everything skyrocketing, it’s going be a very ‘salt’ Christmas for most Jamaicans. I suppose a lot of corporate parties are still being planned. I’m suggesting that all the big companies cut the revelry this year and use the substantial savings for a good cause.

pie-in-the-skyInstead of catering for the employed, who really don’t need a Christmas party, corporate Jamaica could feed a lot of people who don’t have the bare necessities. All the upscale caterers and suppliers of expensive food and drink will not be so happy during this season of austerity. But they can still be employed to provide much more economical food baskets that could be distributed through primary schools and churches.

And if, as individuals, we put on one less party, we could also contribute to the cause. Yes, I know it sounds like pie in the sky. But one step at a time, we all can keep moving in the right direction, if we choose. The only images I want to see on the ‘Who’s Who’ pages this holiday season are scenes of collective social responsibility.

‘Outameni’ One Next Crosses

JLUTwo spelling systems are used for the Jamaican language below. The first, which I call ‘chaka-chaka’, is based on English spelling. The second, ‘prapa-prapa’, is the specialist phonetic system designed by the Jamaican linguist Frederic Cassidy. It has been updated by the Jamaican Language Unit at the University of the West Indies, Mona. After the two Jamaican versions, there’s an English translation.

CHAKA-CHAKA Spelling

Wa mek Govament tek poor people money go buy Outameni? Dem no got enough crosses? Dem waan more? Housing Trust claim seh dem buy Outameni fi build up Trelawny. Di people dem weh lucky fi get Housing Trust house no got plenty place fi go breeze out. So a dat mek Housing Trust turn tour operator? No sah!

No get mi wrong. A no ongle foreigner fi enjoy wi nice-nice country. Jamaica people supposen fi walk bout all bout fi wi owna yaad. Wen mi a pikni, a one time fi di year wi go pon church outnin! One time! Wi lef Kingston go a Porto Seco beach. An if wi lucky, wi go a Castleton Garden couple time. Nuff a wi lef Jamaica gaan a foreign an wi no know di whole a fi wi lickle island. Dat well bad.

‘The Outameni Experience’ did set up fi mek money offa di tourist dem weh come a Falmouth pon cruise ship. But Outameni never get nuff foreign tourist. An some a dem weh do go fi di ‘Experience’ no like it to dat – ascorden to Trip Advisor website. Ongle seven smaddy write wa dem tink bout Outameni. One seh ‘excellent'; two seh ‘very good'; two seh ‘average'; one seh ‘poor'; an one seh ‘terrible’.

‘A RIP-OFF, A SCAM, A SHAME’

outameniHear wa di ‘terrible’ smaddy seh: “The $36 admission price per person is the first red flag. The attraction had hoped to take visitors through the “History of Jamaica”, and that it does…. [sic] As a High School Project for “Jamaica Day”, [sic] but to invite the public to come and pay US$ 36.00 is a rip-off, a scam, a shame. At $10-$15, it may be more palatable, and get more visitors.”

Dis a wa di ‘excellent’ smaddy seh: “During a recent visit to Jamaica, some friends of mine who live on the island took me [on the] Outameni Experience. I was amazed and moved at what I saw – especially as the daughter of a Jamaican father. I cried and laughed and danced and felt so connected to my culture. It was an awesome experience and a must see for everyone!” Look like da woman ya never ha fi pay di 36 dollar.

Di ‘terrible’ smaddy mek one good point: “I did note that although 2 Cruise ships were docked in Montego Bay, and 2 Mega Cruise ships were docked in Falmouth, Outameni had only myself and a bus-load of pre-school children. And Pre-school, and primary school children is [sic] exactly what Outameni would most entertain. The Jamaican Ministry of Education should take note of this, and encourage more school visits … .”

So it look like seh Housing Trust buy Outameni fi set up school! Housing Trust money fi build house. Mek Trelawny people go walk bout Jamaica as dem please! Housing Trust can’t force nobody fi go a Outameni. It nah go work. Housing Trust a sell out poor people. Dat a one next “rip-off, a scam, a shame”. An wi a talk bout nuff-nuff more money than 36 dollar!

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN
Wa mek Govament tek puor piipl moni go bai Outameni? Dem no gat inof kraasiz? Dem waahn muor? Ouzn Chros kliem se dem bai Outameni fi bil op Trelawny. Di piipl dem we loki fi get Ouzn Chros ous no gat plenti plies fi go briiz out. So a dat mek Ouzn Chros ton tuor aparieta? Nuo sa!

37031249

Castleton Gyaadn

No get mi rang. A no ongl farina fi enjai wi nais-nais konchri. Jamieka piipl supuozn fi waak bout aal bout fi wi uona yaad. Wen mi a pikni, a wan taim fi di ier wi go pan choch outnin! Wan taim! Wi lef Kingston go a Porto Seco biich. An if wi loki, wi go a Castleton gyaadn kopl taim. Nof a wi lef Jamieka gaan a farin an wi no nuo di uol a fi wi likl aislan. Dat wel bad.

The Outameni Experience did set op fi mek moni aafa di tuoris dem we kom a Falmouth pan kruuz ship. Bot Outameni neva get nof farin tuoris. An som a dem we du go fi di ‘Experience’ no laik it tu dat – azkaadn to Trip Advisor websait. Ongl sevn smadi write wa dem tingk bout ‘Outameni’. Wan se ‘excellent'; tuu se ‘very good'; tuu se ‘average'; wan se ‘poor'; an wan se ‘terrible’.

A RIP-OFF, A SCAM, A SHAME

Ier wa di ‘terrible’ smadi se: “The $36 admission price per person is the first red flag. The attraction had hoped to take visitors through the “History of Jamaica”, and that it does…. [sic] As a High School Project for “Jamaica Day”, [sic] but to invite the public to come and pay US$ 36.00 is a rip-off, a scam, a shame. At $10-$15, it may be more palatable, and get more visitors”.

Dis a wa di ‘excellent’ smadi se: “During a recent visit to Jamaica, some friends of mine who live on the island took me [on the] Outameni Experience. I was amazed and moved at what I saw – especially as the daughter of a Jamaican father. I cried and laughed and danced and felt so connected to my culture. It was an awesome experience and a must see for everyone!” Luk laik da uman ya neva ha fi pie di 36 dala.

Di ‘terrible’ smadi mek wan gud paint: “I did note that although 2 Cruise ships were docked in Montego Bay, and 2 Mega Cruise ships were docked in Falmouth, Outameni had only myself and a bus-load of pre-school children. And Pre-school, and primary school children is [sic] exactly what Outameni would most entertain. The Jamaican Ministry of Education should take note of this, and encourage more school visits … .”

So it luk laik se Ouzn Chros bai ‘Outameni’ fi set op skuul! Ouzn Chros moni fi bil ous. Mek Chrilaani piipl go waak bout Jamieka az dem pliiz! Ouzn Chros kyaahn fuors nobadi fi go a Outameni. It naa go work. Ouzn Chros a sel out puor piipl. Dat a wan neks “rip-off, a scam, a shame”. An wi a taak bout nof-nof muor moni dan 36 dala!

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

Why has the Government used poor people’s money to buy Outameni? Don’t they have enough troubles? They want more? The Housing Trust claims that they bought Outameni to develop Trelawny’s infrastructure. Those people who are lucky enough to get a house through the Housing Trust don’t have a lot of entertainment venues in the parish.  So that’s why the  Housing Trust has gone into the business of operating tours? No, no!

falmouth-jamaica

Falmouth

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not only foreigners who should enjoy our beautiful country. Jamaicans should take in all the sights. When I was child,  we used to go on annual church outing!  Once a year!  Wi would go from Kingston to Porto Seco beach. And if we were lucky, we would go to Castleton Gardens a few times. Lots of us have travelled abroad and we haven’t been to all the parishes of our small island.  That’s a real shame.

‘The Outameni Experience’ was set up to make money off cruise ship passengers coming into Falmouth. But Outameni didn’t attract that many foreign tourists. And some of them who did go for the ‘Experience’ didn’t like it all that much – according to the Trip Advisor website. There are only seven comments about Outameni. There’s one ‘excellent'; two ‘very good'; two ‘average'; one ‘poor'; and one ‘terrible’.

‘A RIP-OFF, A SCAM, A SHAME’

Here’s the ‘terrible’ comment: “The $36 admission price per person is the first red flag. The attraction had hoped to take visitors through the “History of Jamaica”, and that it does…. [sic] As a High School Project for “Jamaica Day”, [sic] but to invite the public to come and pay US$ 36.00 is a rip-off, a scam, a shame. At $10-$15, it may be more palatable, and get more visitors.”

Here’s the ‘excellent’ comment: “During a recent visit to Jamaica, some friends of mine who live on the island took me [on the] Outameni Experience. I was amazed and moved at what I saw – especially as the daughter of a Jamaican father. I cried and laughed and danced and felt so connected to my culture. It was an awesome experience and a must see for everyone!” It looks as if this woman didn’t have to pay the 36 dollar entrance fee.

4038221-7476578304-35885The person who gave the ‘terrible’ review did make a good point: “I did note that although 2 Cruise ships were docked in Montego Bay, and 2 Mega Cruise ships were docked in Falmouth, Outameni had only myself and a bus-load of pre-school children. And Pre-school, and primary school children is [sic] exactly what Outameni would most entertain. The Jamaican Ministry of Education should take note of this, and encourage more school visits … .”

So it seems as if the Housing Trust has bought Outameni to set up a school!  Housing Trust funds are to be used to build houses. Let Trelawny residents tour Jamaica as they please! The Housing Trust can’t force anyone to visit Outameni. That can’t work. The Housing Trust is selling poor people short. That’s another “rip-off, a scam, a shame”. And we’re talking about far more than 36 dollar!

Funny Degrees No Joke

6a0120a669d297970c016765b2c037970b-320wiLast Sunday’s column, ‘University fi stone dog – seet deh!’, has stirred up quite an ants nest. And Baygon can’t deal with it. Incidentally, we know that nuff ants inna ants nest. So, logically, it can’t be singular. Ant nest? In English yes, but not in Jamaican. I spent quite a bit of time last week following the trail of ants.

I got a distressing email from a graduate of the Caribbean Maritime Institute (CMI): “Your article … has renewed my concern and worry as I might just be in that same boat rowing to nowhere!” The email was published in The Gleaner on Tuesday, August 26 as a letter to editor: ‘Accreditation limbo at CMI’.

Proverbial wisdom warns, “Wat is joke to you is death to me.” And is true. I got another email from someone who is clearly not rowing in the same boat with that concerned and worried CMI graduate: “Prof, this article is great. I never laugh so before while reading an article … Blessings.” We certainly know how to tek bad tings mek joke. But this business of bogus degrees is no laughing matter.

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT?

dont-worry-be-happyI contacted both the CMI and the University Council of Jamaica (UCJ) on behalf of the graduate. I discovered, much to our relief, that the degree programme in question, the BSc in logistics and supply-chain management, has, in fact, been submitted to the UCJ for review. If the programme is accredited, the graduate will have nothing to worry about. The UCJ will issue a statement of equivalence indicating that the old degree is up to the standard of the new.

Although the CMI graduate now seems to be rowing to somewhere, it may not be smooth sailing after all. The UCJ has confirmed that if any unaccredited programme turns out to be substandard, the institution issuing the degree may implement measures to have the graduate complete the new requirements for the accredited programme and provide the relevant certification.

I don’t like the sound of that ‘may’. It ought to be ‘must’. What if the institution fails to do the right thing? Who is going to ensure accountability? Graduates of the unaccredited programme would have been conned into buying a worthless piece of paper. I suppose they could put their case to the Fair Trading Commission. Or take legal action to recover their fees and seek compensation for lost time and opportunities. But at what cost? And at whose expense?

WATCHDOG WITH TEETH

The tertiary education sector simply must be regulated. But that’s not the job of the UCJ. Regulation and accreditation are distinct functions. The UCJ is an external quality-assurance agency. As stated on its website, “The mission of the University Council of Jamaica is to increase the availability of tertiary-level training in Jamaica through a robust quality-assurance system that ensures excellence, transparency, integrity and adherence to standards.”

Unknown-3Quality assurance is all very well and good. But what we desperately need is a regulatory watchdog with teeth. The Jamaica Tertiary Education Commission (J-TEC) is supposed to be that bad dog. But it is muzzled. Last week, I asked the commissioner/CEO, Mrs Maxine Henry-Wilson, what was being done to protect naive students who don’t seem to know they must make sure their degree programme is accredited. Before they register!

In 2006, as minister of education, Mrs Henry-Wilson initiated a strategic plan for regulating tertiary education. The very first strategic objective was the establishment of a regulatory body for the sector. But the wheels of government bureaucracy turn rather slowly. It was not until 2011, under the leadership of Andrew Holness, that some movement was made towards setting the legislative framework for the regulatory body.

THE IMF’S BIG STICK

The Jamaica Tertiary Education Commission was finally established in 2012. Within nine months of the appointment of Mrs Henry-Wilson, the legislative framework was completed. It has languished for two years in the office of the Chief Parliamentary Counsel. It’s stuck in a long line of other financial proposals. And with the IMF’s big stick over our heads, only God knows if funding will be approved.

As things stand, dog and all can set up university. There is no legislation to prevent it. So-called universities don’t even have to be registered with the University Council. It’s a free-for-all. If J-TEC gets its legal mandate, all this will change. Every tertiary institution will have to be registered. And a quality audit will be done to determine the appropriate name for the enterprise.

At present, the UCJ has a policy of assessing degree programmes to determine their readiness for delivery. But in carrying out its core accreditation function, the UCJ can evaluate only programmes that have completed a full cycle and have produced the first set of graduates. Accreditation is based on evidence, not on plans or intentions.

birds-rush-owls-album-covers-alex-lifeson-geddy-lee-neil-peart-fly-by-night-1280x960-hd-wallpaper-400x250If we don’t clean up the tertiary education sector, the quality of all degrees across the board will be compromised. It won’t be just the fly-by-night operators that will have to close shop. All universities will be in trouble if Jamaica becomes known as a market for bogus degrees. Soon, none of our local degrees will be recognised internationally. And dog a go nyam wi supper.

University Fi Stone Dog – Seet Deh!

jluTwo spelling systems are used for the Jamaican language below. The first, which I call ‘chaka-chaka’, is based on English spelling. The second, ‘prapa-prapa’, is the specialist phonetic system designed by the Jamaican linguist Frederic Cassidy. It has been updated by the Jamaican Language Unit at the University of the West Indies, Mona. After the two Jamaican versions, there’s an English translation.

CHAKA-CHAKA SPELLING
hydel_univWhat a way time fly! Mi did write one column, ‘University fi stone dog’, weh Gleaner publish pon September 13, 2009. An nuff smaddy did bex wid mi, seh mi a tek liberty wid Hydel University College an di whole heap a odder ‘university’ dem all bout di place weh a gi out degree. See piece a weh mi did seh ya:

“So we have ‘university fi stone dog’, of all breeds and varieties. This biting saying denotes an excess of riches that results in wasteful behaviour, such as throwing valuable resources – instead of cheap stones – at dogs. Universities are now in such plentiful supply that we can afford to treat them lightly. Quantity is one thing. But what about quality?”

Story come to bump! See Gleaner big-big headline last week Wednesday: ‘Degrees worthless – Graduates’ patience wears thin as UCJ refuses to accredit Hydel programmes’. Seet deh now! It look like seh mi turn warner woman. But a no me a talk out di tings now. A Gleaner. An truth a truth.

See one next ting mi did seh: “Not every institution registered with the council claims the weighty name of ‘university’. Most are colleges or institutes. And this is as it should be. The primary mark of distinction of a university is that it maintains a vibrant graduate-research programme. By contrast, a college specialises in undergraduate education.”

DRAW BAD CARD

From what mi get fi understand, a ‘university’ put spokes inna Hydel wheel. It look like seh if dem tek out ‘university’ an lef so-so ‘college’, dem gone clear. Mi no know wa mek dem so hard-ears an nah tek telling. Old-time people seh, ‘High seat kill Miss Thomas puss.’ An it look like seh high name might-a kill Miss Bennett ‘University College’.

Ambition-Picture-3All a wi want fi step up inna life. So mi do understand wa mek Miss Bennett set up university. Hydel got nursery, preschool, prep school, pre-first form, junior high, senior high, six form, special education centre, ketch-up reading centre, study centre an evening college. ‘University college’ a di next step. But Miss Bennett ha fi dweet right. Yu ha fi creep before yu walk

A di student dem mi sorry fa. How dem fi know seh big-big Hydel deh pon di low? When dem come a Ferry, an see how Hydel sprawl off, how dem coulda even tink seh di ‘university college’ no deh pan UCJ list? After dem pay school fee, dem cerfiticket naa no value? It can’t carry dem nowhere? Dat no right. Dem draw bad card. Mi no know how dem an Miss Bennett a go work it out.

An a no Hydel one. Said same problem a Mico. Me want know wa UCJ a seh. Dem can’t run couple ad, laka FSC, fi warn people bout di bogus degree dem weh no register? If a no UCJ, a who response fi sort out di ‘university’ lotto scam?

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN
Unknown-2Wat a wie taim flai! Mi did rait wan kalom, ‘University fi stone dog’, we Gleaner poblish pan Septemba 13, 2009. An nof smadi did beks wid mi, se mi a tek libati wid Hydel University College an di uol iip a ada ‘yuunivorsiti’ dem aal bout di plies we a gi out digrii.

Si piis a we mi did se ya:  “So we have ‘university fi stone dog’, of all breeds and varieties. This biting saying denotes an excess of riches that results in wasteful behaviour, such as throwing valuable resources – instead of cheap stones – at dogs. Universities are now in such plentiful supply that we can afford to treat them lightly. Quantity is one thing. But what about quality?”

Tuori kom tu bomp! Si Gleaner big-big edlain laas wiik Wenzde: ‘Degrees worthless – Graduates’ patience wears thin as UCJ refuses to accredit Hydel programmes’. Siit de nou! It luk laik se mi ton waana uman. Bot a no mi a taak out di tingz nou. A Gleaner. An chruut a chruut.

Si wan neks ting mi did se: “Not every institution registered with the council claims the weighty name of ‘university’. Most are colleges or institutes. And this is as it should be. The primary mark of distinction of a university is that it maintains a vibrant graduate-research programme. By contrast, a college specialises in undergraduate education.”

JRAA BAD KYAAD

Unknown-5

Mrs. Hyacinth Bennett

Fram wat mi get fi andastan, a ‘university’ put spuoks ina Hydel wiil. It luk laik se if dem tek out ‘university’ an lef suo-so ‘college’, dem gaan klier. Mi no nuo wa mek dem so aad-iez an naa tek telin. Uol-taim piipl se, ‘Ai siit kil Mis Tamas pus.’ An it luk laik se ai niem maita kil Mis Bennett ‘university college’.

Aal a wi waahn fi step op ina laif. So mi duu andastan wa mek Miss Bennett set op yuunivorsiti. Hydel gat norsri, prii-skuul, prep skuul, prii-fos faam, juunya ai, siinya ai, siks faam, speshal edikieshan senta, kech-up riidn senta, stodi senta an iivnin kalij. ‘University College’ a di neks step. Bot Mis Bennett a fi dwiit rait. Yu ha fi kriip bifuor yu waak.

A di styuudent dem mi sari fa. Ou dem fi nuo se big-big Hydel de pan di luo? Wen dem kom a Ferry, an si ou Hydel spraal aaf, ou dem kuda iivn tingk se di ‘university college’ no de pan UCJ lis? Aafta dem pie skuul fii, dem sorfitikit naa no valyu? It kyaahn kyari dem no-we? Dat no rait. Dem jraa bad kyaad. Mi no nuo ou dem an Mis Bennett a go work it out.

An a no Hydel wan. Sed siem prablem a Mico. Mii waan nuo wa UCJ a se. Dem kyaa ron kopl ad, laka FSC, fi waan piipl bout di buogos digrii dem we no rigista? If a no UCJ, a uu rispans fi saat out di ‘yuunivorsiti’ lato skyam?

ENGLISH TRANSLATION

Unknown-3Time certainly flies! I wrote a column, ‘University fi stone dog’, which was published in The Gleaner on September 13, 2009.  Lots of people were upset with me because they thought I was taking liberties with Hydel University College and all of those other ‘universities’ all over the place that are handing out degrees. Here’s a bit from that column:

“So we have ‘university fi stone dog’, of all breeds and varieties. This biting saying denotes an excess of riches that results in wasteful behaviour, such as throwing valuable resources – instead of cheap stones – at dogs. Universities are now in such plentiful supply that we can afford to treat them lightly. Quantity is one thing. But what about quality?”

Things have come to a head! Here’s last Wednesday’s alarming Gleaner headline: ‘Degrees worthless – Graduates’ patience wears thin as UCJ refuses to accredit Hydel programmes’. There you have it! It seems as if I’m  a warner woman. But I’m not the one raising the alarm now.  It’s the Gleaner. And you just have to face the truth.

Here’s what I also said: “Not every institution registered with the council claims the weighty name of ‘university’. Most are colleges or institutes. And this is as it should be. The primary mark of distinction of a university is that it maintains a vibrant graduate-research programme. By contrast, a college specialises in undergraduate education.”

imagesA  BAD HAND

From what I understand, it’s the name ‘university’ that has put a spoke in Hydel’s wheel. It seems as if all they need to do is take out ‘university’ and keep  ‘college’.  And they’ll be able to get registered.  I don’t know why they’re being so stubborn and not taking advice.  Proverbial wisdom warns,  ‘high-climbing killed Miss Thomas’ cat’.  And it looks as if over-reaching might kill Miss Bennett’s ‘University College’.

All of us want to step up our game.  So I do understand why Miss Bennett has set up a university. Hydel has a  nursery, preschool, prep school, pre-first form, junior high, senior high, sixth form, special education centre, remedial reading centre, study centre and evening college. ‘University college’ is the next step. But Miss Bennett has to do it right. You have to creep before you walk.

It’s the students I feel sorry for. How could they know that all is not well at Hydel? When they come to Ferry, and see how prosperous Hydel looks, why would it even occur to them that the ‘university college’ is not registered with the UCJ ? After paying fees, they find out that their certificate has no value? It can’t take them anywhere? That’s not right. They’ve been dealt a very bad hand. And I just don’t know how Miss Bennett is going to compensate them.

UCJAnd  Hydel isn’t the only ‘university’ in trouble. Mico University College has the very same problem. I want to know what the UCJ has to say. Can’t the Council run ads, like the  FSC does, to warn prospective students about unregistered degree programmes?  And if it’s not UCJ, who’s responsible for policing the ‘university’ lotto scam?

Gomes No Gone No Weh

Two spelling systems are used for the Jamaican language below.  The first, which I call  ‘chaka-chaka’, is based on English spelling.  The second,  ‘prapa-prapa’, is the specialist phonetic system designed by the Jamaican linguist Frederic Cassidy.  It has been updated by the Jamaican Language Unit at the University of the West Indies, Mona. After the two Jamaican versions, there’s an English translation.

CHAKA-CHAKA SPELLING

JamaicaforJusticeB20080815C

Carolyn Gomes

Wednesday gone, mi see big-big headline pon front page a Gleaner: ‘Gomes goes’. An mi seh to miself, “Ah weh shi gone?” Ongle fi find out seh ah no gone shi gone. A resign shi resign from di board a Jamaicans for Justice (JFJ). Cho! Whosoever write dat deh headline tek alliteration ketch mi. Dat a one a dem tapanaaris English word weh come from Latin.

Alliteration simple mean yu a mek style. Yu pick couple word weh start off wid di said same sound an join dem up. Gomes goes. Dem sound nice together. No matter if di niceness confusing. Pon top a dat, di second sound inna dem deh two word sound same way. Dat a di o. An dat a assonance. But mek mi lef di literature lesson. Back to politics. A wa mek Gomes resign?

BackdoorYu mighta tink a shame shi shame bout di back-door sex education weh Jamaicans for Justice leggo pon di pikni dem inna di six private home weh supposen fi a look after pikni weh no got nobody fi mind dem. No, sah! From wat mi get fi understan, Gomes go because shi bex wid dem odder one inna Jamaicans for Justice. Dem mek mistake go seh dem sorry seh bandooloo sex education get weh pon di poor pikni dem.

Ee ee now, Spanish Town! Unu no know wa dat mean? Unu a figet unu kolcha! Dat a wa yu seh wen smaddy get inna trouble. An yu flash finger fi show seh dem a go get beatin. ‘Spanish Town’ stand fi prison. An dat a metonymy, one next style. Mi sorry fi Jamaicans for Justice. Dem inna big trouble wid Caribbean Vulnerable Communities Coalition (CVC).

NUFF BACKATIVE

Mi a wonder bout dem ‘Vulnerable Communities’. A wa ‘vulnerable’ mean fi true? Mi know seh ‘vulnerable’ a one next English word weh come from Latin. ‘Vulnus’ mean one chop or one lick fi hurt yu. An ‘vulnerable’ mean seh it easy fi people do bad sinting to yu. Lacka di poor man weh di dutty man dem rape. Mi hear seh im kill imself. Mi ongle hope a no true.

941504_532759043426665_1166567449_nCarolyn Gomes an fi har people dem weh a defend ‘Vulnerable Communities’, dem no vulnerable at all at all. Dem big an bad. An dem got nuff backative. A yard an a farin. Plenty powerful smaddy wid nuff money a defend di Caribbean Vulnerable Communities Coalition. Wat a sinting! An member seh a CVC gi JFJ money fi put fi dem sex education inna di children home dem. An yu done know seh who pay fi di sound system, ah dem run di dance.

So Jamaicans for Justice no got no chat. Who tell dem fi go seh dem sorry bout di sex education autoclaps? Carolyn Gomes seh dem chat too quick. Dem shoulda wait an tek advice. An a it mek shi wheel out. Shi gone lef JFJ. But shi a head cook an bocklewasher fi CVC. Six a one, half dozen a di odder!

grange-hanna2

Lisa Hanna and Babsy Grange

An mi no like how Babsy a point finger pon Lisa. Dis ya one a no fi Lisa fault. JFJ dis slip een di sex education undercover. Di said same ting coulda did happen wen Babsy a minister fi yute. So shi fi memba seh a no party politics wi a defend. A di pikni dem. An a dem vulnerable fi true!

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN

Wensde gaan, mi si big-big edlain pan front piej a Gleaner: ‘Gomes goes’. An mi se tu miself, “A we shi gaan?” Ongl fi fain out se a no gaan shi gaan. A rizain shi rizain fram di buord a Jamaicans for Justice (JFJ). Cho! Uusoeva rait dat de edlain tek alliteration kech mi. Dat a wan a dem tapanaaris Inglish wod we kom fram Latin.

Alliteration simpl miin yu a mek stail. Yu pik kopl wod we staat aaf wid di sed siem soun an jain dem op. Gomes goes. Dem soun nais tugyada. No mata if di naisnis kanfyuuzin. Pan tap a dat, di sekan soun ina dem de tuu wod soun siem wie. Dat a di o. An dat a assonance. Bot mek mi lef di lichricha lesn. Bak tu palitiks. A wa mek Gomes rizain?

marka-yoneticisinin-ozellikleri-720x320Yu maita tink a shiem shi shiem bout di bakduor seks edikieshan we Jamaicans for Justice lego pan di pikni dem ina di siks praivit uom we supuozn fi a luk aafta pikni we no gat nobadi fi main dem. Nuo, sa! Fram wat mi get fi andastan, Gomes go bikaa shi beks wid dem ada wan ina Jamaicans for Justice. Dem mek mistiek go se dem sari se banduulu seks edikieshan get we pan di puor pikni dem.

Ii ii nou, Spanish Town! Unu no nuo wa dat miin? Unu a figet unu kolcha! Dat a wa yu se wen smadi get ina chrobl. An yu flash finga fi shuo se dem a go get biitn. ‘Spanish Town’ stan fi prizn. An dat a metonymy, wan neks stail. Mi sari fi Jamaicans for Justice. Dem ina big chrobl wid Caribbean Vulnerable Communities Coalition (CVC).

NOF BAKATIV

Mi a wanda bout dem ‘Vulnerable Communities’. A wa ‘vulnerable’ miin fi chruu? Mi nuo se ‘vulnerable’ a wan neks Inglish wod we kom fram Latin. ‘Vulnus’ miin wan chap ar wan lik fi ort yu. An ‘vulnerable’ miin se it iizi fi pipl du bad sinting tu yu. Laka di puor man we di doti man dem riep. Mi ier seh im kil imself. Mi ongl uop a no chruu.

strengthCarolyn Gomes an fi ar piipl dem we a difen ‘Vulnerable Communities’, dem no vulnerable at aal at aal. Dem big an bad. An dem gat nof bakativ. A yard an a farin. Plenti pouwaful smadi wid nof moni a difen di Caribbean Vulnerable Communities Coalition. Wat a sinting! An memba se a CVC gi JFJ moni fi put fi dem seks edikieshan ina di chiljren uom dem. An yu don nuo se uu pie fi di soun sistim, a dem ron di daans.

So Jamaicans for Justice no gat no chat. Uu tel dem fi go se dem sari bout di seks edikieshan aataklaps? Carolyn Gomes se dem chat tuu kwik. Dem shuda wiet an tek advais. An a it mek shi wiil out. Shi gaan lef JFJ. Bot shi a ed kuk an baklwasha fi CVC. Siks a wan, aaf dozn a di ada!

An mi no laik ou Babsy a paint finga pan Lisa. Dis ya wan a no fi Lisa faalt. JFJ dis slip iin di seks edikieshan aandakova. Di sed siem ting kuda did apn wen Babsy a minista fi yuut. So shi fi memba se a no paati palitiks wi a difen. A di pikni dem. An a dem vulnerable fi chruu!

ENGLISH TRANSLATIONalliteration

Last Wednesday,  the Gleaner’s front page carried a huge headline:  ‘Gomes goes’. And I wondered, “Where has she gone?” Actually, she hadn’t gone anywhere.  She’d resigned from the board of Jamaicans for Justice (JFJ). Cho! Whoever wrote that headline caught me with alliteration.  That’s one of those highfalutin English words that come from Latin.

Alliteration simply means you’re making style. You pick a couple of words that start with the same sound and join them up. Gomes goes. They sound nice together. It doesn’t matter if the niceness is confusing. And the second sound in those two words is identical. That’s the o. And that’s assonance. But let me cut the literature lesson. Back to politics. Why did Gomes resign?

back_door_open_300x200You might think she was ashamed about the back-door sex education  programme that Jamaicans for Justice let loose on the children in the six private homes that are supposed to be taking care of abandoned minors.  Not at all! As I understand it, Gomes went because she was vexed with the other members of the board of Jamaicans for Justice.  They made the mistake of apologising for the unapproved sex education programme that the children were exposed to.

Ee ee now, Spanish Town! You don’t know what that means? You’re forgetting your culture! That’s what you say when someone gets into trouble. And you flash your fingers to show that they’re going to be beaten. ‘Spanish Town’ stands for prison. And that’s metonymy, another literary device. I’m sorry for Jamaicans for Justice. They’re in big trouble with the Caribbean Vulnerable Communities Coalition (CVC).

LOTS OF BACKING

Latin-imageI wonder about those ‘Vulnerable Communities’. What does ‘vulnerable’ really mean? ‘Vulnerable’ is another one of those English words that come from Latin. ‘Vulnus’ means ‘wound’.  And ‘vulnerable’ means it’s easy for people to abuse you. Like that poor man who was raped by those vile men. Rumour has it that he has killed himself. I only hope it’s not true.

Carolyn Gomes and her colleagues who are defending ‘Vulnerable Communities’ are not at all  vulnerable. They’re big and bad. And they’ve got lots of  backing. Locally and internationally. Many powerful people with lots of money are defending the Caribbean Vulnerable Communities Coalition. What a thing! And you must remember that it’s CVC that funded the JFJ sex education programme for the children’s homes.  And, as you know, he who who pays the piper calls the tune.

images-1So Jamaicans for Justice don’t have a voice. They had no right to apologise for the sex education scandal.  Carolyn Gomes argued that they’d apologised prematurely.  They should have waited and taken advice. And that’s why she walked out. She’s left JFJ. But she’s the a head cook and bottle-washer for CVC. Six of one, half dozen of  the other!

And I don’t like the way Babsy is pointing fingers at Lisa. This one really isn’t Lisa’s fault. JFJ just slipped in the sex education programme undercover. The very same thing could have  happened when Babsy was the minister of youth. So she should remember that we’re not defending  party politics.   It’s the children. They are ones who are truly vulnerable!

 

Men Who Have Sex With Men and Women

There’s a very vulnerable group of women who don’t seem to be on the agenda of Dr Carolyn Gomes and her Caribbean Vulnerable Communities (CVC) Coalition.

LogoSmallAccording to their website, CVC focuses on “Caribbean populations who are especially vulnerable to HIV infection or often forgotten in access to treatment and health-care programmes. These groups include men who have sex with men, sex workers, people who use drugs, orphans and other children made vulnerable by HIV, migrant populations, ex-prisoners, and youth in especially difficult circumstances”.

Since sexy acronyms are now fashionable, let’s call this forgotten group WSMSMW: women who have sex with men who have sex with men and women. Yes, it’s a mouthful. But it’s only words. It could be far worse. There’s a big difference between WSMSMW and MSM. Obviously, men who have sex with men know what they’re doing. By contrast, most women who have sex with men who have sex with men and women are totally ignorant of the fact that they are in a very messy situation.

doubt_diceIn this instance, ignorance is definitely not bliss. It can be deadly. These vulnerable women may suspect that they are sharing their partner with a matey. But they naively assume that the matey is a woman. There are some women who do have their doubts about their husband’s sexuality. But they are afraid to face the truth: Ah so im lie an wicked? No, sah! By the time these women discover that their matey is a man – if they’re so lucky – it’s much too late for informed consent. Their partners have robbed them of their right to choose; or, much worse, infected them with HIV!

PERFECTLY PAIRED

jack-sprat-mother-goose-nursery-rhymesMost men who have sex with men and women (MSMW) deliberately and methodically deceive women in order to pass for straight. The woman becomes a front or a beard, as it is more popularly known, protecting the MSMW from exposure. In some cases, the role play is consensual. The wife is a lesbian and the husband is gay, and they choose to be each other’s beard. Like Jack Sprat, who could eat no fat, and his wife, who could eat no lean, the gay man and the lesbian are perfectly paired. There’s no fighting over beef.

I have a lot of respect for MSM who don’t bother with the fiction of getting married to a woman. Disdaining pretence, these courageous men just brazen it out. They don’t hide under the frock tail of women. They accept themselves for who they are and just gwaan bout dem business. And they take the necessary precautions to protect their health. I do sympathise with vulnerable young men who are embarrassed about buying condoms and lubricants. As a teenager, I was quite distressed about buying sanitary pads. Everybody in the shop knew it was that time of the month.

But you grew up and just accepted the course of nature. Admittedly, this is often much harder for MSM. All the same, when you hear the propaganda spouted by Dr Gomes’ Coalition, you would think that no MSM are sensible enough to take care of their health.

This is the way the Coalition’s argument goes: The buggery law stigmatises MSM. Therefore, they are afraid to buy sexually sensitive health-care products. Furthermore, criminalised MSM are unable to get medical care because they are afraid their doctors will report their illegal sexual activities. The only solution is to repeal the buggery law.

SHOCK OF THE FIST

imagesLike many clever Jamaican higglers, Dr Gomes’ Coalition is trying to ‘marry’ goods of unequal appeal. You know the trick: If you want scarce produce, you have to also buy goods that are in plentiful supply. Everybody wants treatment for HIV/AIDS to be readily available for all. But not everybody wants the buggery law to be repealed. So the price we have to pay for HIV/AIDS care is repeal of the stigmatising law.

I have no objection to getting rid of the law. What consenting adults do in the privacy of their home is none of my business. Nor should it be the business of the State.

stop-stigmaBut the stigma associated with anal sex will not magically disappear once the buggery law is repealed. The Jamaican word for MSM vividly expresses the disgust associated with anal sex. The body part stands for the whole man. Some sexual practices are quite distasteful to the uninitiated. But that’s not a good reason for criminalising them.

The first time I heard about fisting, I was alarmed. A man makes a fist and puts it up another man’s anus, all the way to the elbow! I quickly recovered from the shock when I realised I didn’t need to empathise with the fisted anus. It wasn’t mine.

In some cultures, MSM don’t practise anal sex. They use their thighs. Remember how, as children, we would bend our elbow, squeeze and there would be a fairly good imitation of female labia! Same principle with the thighs. There’s no fooling around in the anal canal. The female partners of these MSMW do not risk HIV infection.

Having failed to acknowledge the special needs of vulnerable WSMSMW in the Caribbean, Dr Gomes and her Coalition now need to take extra lessons on inclusiveness from Professor Brendan Bain.