That Cock-up Against Pussyfooting In Parliament

The Speaker of the House, Marisa Dalrymple-Philibert, is no pussycat. She’s in the posse of the most ferocious felines: lion, tiger, leopard, cougar, cheetah, lynx etc. The power of the Speaker’s office enables Dalrymple-Philibert to put her foot down with great authority. She steps boldly and loudly. No pussyfooting, even when she’s wrong!

SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE, MARISA DALRYMPLE-PHILIBERT

Last Wednesday, as Lothan Cousins was concluding his contribution to the sectoral debate, he used a vivid image to support his argument: “Madam Speaker, the time for action is quickly slipping away. We need to better protect our agriculture and water resources. We need to stop pussyfooting around and start putting plan to action. If we delay, Madam Speaker,”

Cousins was immediately interrupted by Dalrymple-Philibert: “Hold a minute! Hold a minute! I, I, hold on! Will you allow me? I, I, I, I am sure I did not hear what I hear.” That utterance is completely nonsensical. I suppose Madam Speaker meant, “I can’t believe what I just heard.” But, in the moment of uncertainty, logic flew out the window, as did English grammar. High and mighty Dalrymple-Philibert slipped into Jamaican: “what I hear.”

Madam Speaker continued, “And, if indeed.” She then turned off her mike and hit the gavel. When she turned it back on, she protested, “No!” A bemused and amused Cousins responded in this way: “Madam Speaker, if you are so offended by the word, I will withdraw that word, Madam Speaker, and I say we need to stop beating around the bush.” Dalrymple-Philibert probably doesn’t know that ‘bush’ is a slang term for both male and female pubic hair. If she did, she would have certainly been further offended by the proximity of bush to pussy.

In response to Cousins’ withdrawal from pussyfooting, Madam Speaker pompously declared, “I would like to say to you, it is not, allow me please, it is not that I’m, if I am so offended. I want to remind you and all of us that this is the highest court of the land. And that word is inappropriate to be used in here. That is my ruling.”

PUSS IN A BAG

It seems as if the Speaker of the House does not know the meaning of pussyfooting. She appears to think that the pussy in ‘pussyfooting’ is the same as a puss in a bag. Or, perhaps, more to the point, a pussy in a baggy! ‘Pussyfooting’ literally refers to the stealthy way in which cats move. As a symbol, it suggests cowardly inaction.

Leader of the Opposition Mark Golding valiantly attempted to set Dalrymple-Philibert straight: “The term, it is not obscene. It is defined as meaning, ‘act in a cautious or noncommittal way.’ That’s what it means. So to ask him to withdraw a word that is plain English, which is in no way offensive or derogatory seems very inappropriate to me.”

In response, the Speaker of the House duplicitously declared, “Ahm, you know, member, I’m only going to say that that is my ruling.” But she immediately contradicted herself. She went on to say much more. She drew the race card without explicitly acknowledging it: “But may I remind you, may I remind you in case your memory is very short. There are words that have been used in this parliament – I am speaking!”

Self-important Dalrymple-Philibert hit the gavel and, like an angry schoolmistress reprimanding children, demanded silence. She continued with a covert attack: “There are words that have been used in this parliament, and recently, where we have had the correct meaning given to us as members of a parl, of parliament and we have, still, as members of a parl, of parliament found it offensive.”

This was, of course, a pussyfooting reference to Nigel Clarke’s contemptuous and contemptible description of the Leader of the Opposition as “Massa Mark.” The Speaker of the House attempted to draw a far-fetched parallel between ‘pussyfooting’ and the ‘Massa Mark’ racial slur. Furthermore, she insinuated that Clarke’s peculiar mumbo-jumbo definition of ‘Massa’ was the “correct meaning” of the word. By implication, those members of parliament and the general public who still find the term offensive are, presumably, quite wrong.

FLACCID ERROR OF JUDGEMENT

Dalrymple-Philibert’s high-handed ruling against the use of pussyfooting in parliament is a cock-up pure and simple. And that’s not an erect penis. It’s a flaccid error of judgement. The Speaker of the House may soon outlaw cock because it supposedly refers to a penis. That’s the ‘logic’ of her ban on pussyfooting. She would have a field day. There are over 150 cock words in English. Here’s just a small sample: cocktail, cocky, cocksure, cockpit, cockeye, cockroach, peacock, poppycock, weathercock and cockatoo.

It’s a slippery slope from pussy to cock. If Dalrymple-Philibert is allowed to get away with her simple-minded ruling against pussyfooting, there’s no telling what other arbitrary pronouncements she may be tempted to make. Prime Minister Andrew Holness sat silently in parliament while Dalrymple-Philibert arrogantly displayed her ignorance. He did not even attempt to persuade the Speaker of the House to dismount from her high horse. He said not a single word of rebuke.

I suppose partisan politics must take precedence over commonsense. But the prime minister has a duty to the people of Jamaica to ensure that the Speaker of the House does not allow the power of the office to fly to her head. She cannot be permitted to make irrational rulings. Having appointed Dalrymple-Philibert as Speaker of the House, Andrew Holness must review her performance. He simply cannot afford to pussyfoot around.